Not Yet
by midnight glade
Summary: We all know that Lily and James died but what would happen if Lily held on long enough to watch Harrys survival that dreaded night? What would her thoughts be? Read and review.One shot


_Hello guys. This is my first attempt at fan fiction. Please read and review. Only constructive criticism please. Anyway, I do not own Harry Potter and am not making money out of this. However , I do own this story/one shot. I hope you enjoy it. _

Chapter One

Wind howled dangerously as rain fell, mercilessly pounding the hard cold ground that it hit with all its strength. Bushes shivered in cold-or was it terror ,as lightening struck the horizon up a head. The electric blue contrasting violently with the black and soulless sky. Sending sparks flying, when it came into contact with solid forms. Stars blotted out by black amorphous clouds that clouded their sight. Shielding evil from their light and healing gaze. Even the moon , always a protector, could not be seen in the absolute of the gloom and the dark. Trees cowered in fear and their leafless branches bent towards the ground as if to hide. Everything seemed dark and desolate, a hopeless struggle between dark and light. Because the most painful thing was that the dark was winning. Tree branches snapped as they gave up, hard wood cores splintering and breaking. Stones , dirt and grit blew in the icy wind that howled its fury. Not acknowledging - not even caring that it might be heard. It was invincible and it loved to show its power, its dominance and its supremacy.

And , in the centre of it all, a house stood relatively untouched. The bricks a dark crimson and the door a oak brown. It looked like any ordinary house but very extraordinary people lived there. Standing three stories tall, it wasn't a small dwelling but it looked comfortable for a small family to live happily in. The roof was made of slate. A cool, calculating grey that was stained black by rain. The gardens were alive with colour and flowers. Arranged in neat rows they were healthy. Petals spread wide, there were many colours but the most prominent was a plot of white Lilies growing innocently in the middle of the garden. The flowers were a pure and unblemished white. Petals curved and perfect, they stood tall, proud, alive and the emerald stems and leaves reached out delicately. It was clear they were the main feature of this well kept and cherished garden. And it was obvious they meant something personal.

The plots were surrounded by grass. It was short and well looked after and the green shade was not stained by dirt and soil. A path wound its way to the pavement form the door. It was coloured rock and stood out against green.

The window panes were a starling white that contrasted with the red of the bricks. Even though the curtains were closed in a defiant stand, a warm glow could be seen from within. It lit up the dark and treacherous night. The world outside seemed unreal and the evil and darkness didn't seem so bad anymore. Because the warmth, that glow, soothed the fear and sorrow. It was definitely there but it seemed lessened somehow. As though, its inconsequential to life as a whole. That to be consumed by the dark was the ultimate loss because it shows that you couldn't still live on. Couldn't have a live outside of it. Couldn't have a family. This tiny glow. This tiny picture. Shows that the dark is worth fighting. If only to experience it one last time before the end. If only to see the ones you love again and hold them close one last time.

However the picture was ripped to meaningless and desolate shreds when a foot crunched down on the path of the street. His feet were booted. Dark black boots that made a intimidating sound as he walked. A sound that would strike fear into the hearts of all good and evil alike. The trees shrank away from him and even the wind paused in its incessant howling to ponder the strange but powerful man that had appeared. He was tall and slender. Long fingers matched aristocratic facial features and pale almost white skin which made him look like a vampire, a creature of the night. Dark hair stuck out from the hood that obscured most of his face. Crimson eyes glowed through the darkness. Like a fire they seemed almost alive but they were hinted with a sinister gleam. The very essence of darkness seemed to pour out of those two orbs that glistened in the night. An hideous smile curved in the corner of his mouth as he observed the house before him. Darkness resonated of his very being as he stepped forward, his cloak swirling around him like a evil form of water , emotionless, cruel.

Suddenly, he stopped a frown marring his features but then he smirked and whispered 'Clever Dumbledore. I didn't expect you to leave your only hope completely defenceless but these wards are pathetic. Do you really have so little faith in my powers.'

He held out his hand ,his pale skin looked fragile as if he might break, as if reaching out for something but then he grabbed and twisted. Turning his hand to the side and pulling back with unimaginable force. The exertion should of showed but the mans face was set in that sinister smile and his dark aura was tangible still. In a burst of light a invisible wall glowed blue and stayed as if in protest before fading away in a shower of magic.

The man smiled and stepped forward confidently. He turned and softly whispered a incantation, pronouncing every syllable with practised ease. A crimson wall sprung from the ground and the air crackled with energy. It lifted itself until it met over the top of the house before disappearing into nothing. But it was still there waiting to do its purpose. Now the ward was completed Voldemort strode towards the house. The only sound his boots upon the hard cold floor.

/

Harry lay on the cream sofa , happily kicking his legs up into the air. He giggled and the sound of is voice made Lily laugh despite the dark times she knew she faced. Leaning down she stroked Harry's black and messy hair. Ruffling it up even more if it was possible. Curiously he looked up at her out of his wide and shining emerald green eyes. The eyes that she herself possessed and loved seeing on her son because though he was a carbon copy of James he would always have her eyes. Despite the slightly unnerving experience of looking at herself when he looked at him, she loved his eyes. They told everyone that he was her son as well as James.

'Mama ?' Harry's soft, sweet voice broke her out of her reverie and she blinked, focusing on her son.

' Yes sweetheart' she replied her voice soothing and soft. As it should be when talking to a baby.

' Why is there a bad man outside?' Came the innocent but questioning reply.

That single question filled her with dread and she felt fear race through her blood turning it cold. No, it can't be her mind told her furiously. How would Harry know when he is only a child? A baby. My baby. 'No I refuse to believe it' she thought but she new in her heart it was true. She knew in her heart he had found them. Peter. That single name flashed through her mind and she was filled with hate. 'It was him he was the traitor how could we be so blind so stupid ? But there's no time for that now' she reasoned. Turning to James , who had just come into the room, she saw all the blood had drained form his face and his eyes were wide with disbelieve, anger and fear. However before she could say anything he spoke.

'Lily' he began his voice determined and strong but she could detect and small but substantial hint of fear. ' take Harry and run. You've got to get away even if he's not here. Even if he hasn't found us…. I can't take the chance. I can't lose you. I won't.'

'James' Lily whispered but was interrupted by him smashing his lips against hers. Melting Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and all coherent thought disappeared. She forgot about the war. She forgot about all the danger and the man that could be stalking outside her door. All that mattered, all that existed, was her and James. In that second they were the only two people in the world and their love the only thing. But as Lily tasted salty tears that were not her own she realised ,with increasing horror, that this was a goodbye. That James believed he would never see her again with his living eyes. Everything came crashing back in a torrent of darkness and Lily's thoughts were , once again, captured by the war. And as she felt the evil aura of Voldemort she felt James pull back and edge backward his shoulders squared. Her eyes widened, she wanted to scream in terror but she knew she couldn't because that would scare Harry.

'No' she growled ' I won't let you leave me. I won't let you face him when I know you can't win.' She felt tears prickle in her eyes but she didn't care. She needed to save James because she couldn't let him go.

' Lils' you've got to run. I want you and Harry to be safe.' he said gently. His voice like sapphire waves on golden sand.

' But what about you!' she almost screamed. ' Why James? Why do you have to be so difficult. I love you and I need you.' she sobbed inside her head.

' Lily!' All the softness was gone and his voice was commanding and stern.' go. Take Harry and run. Find the Portkey!'

The tone stunned Lily into action, shaking she picked up Harry and ran, feeling the weight of her baby giving her resolve. No-one would harm him. Ever. She would protect him. Not even Voldemort would touch him. ' I'd like to see him try' she thought viciously as she looked down at her baby. Nestled in her arms he looked blearily up at her, emerald eyes sparkling, curiously he blinked up at her as if to ask her what was wrong.

That was when she noticed that a tear. Perfect and pear like had rolled down her face making a track of liquid. The only sign of her feelings. Forcefully, she smiled to reassure him as she wouldn't let him discover her pain. He would never know.

But as Harry grinned back she almost broke down. The face had transformed into a familiar smile. The smile of the one she had left behind. In that face, she could see all the happiness she had ever hoped for her son and all of the innocence. For Harry should never have to experience pain and suffering because he did not disserve it. Never had he done wrong for he was a child, the epitome of good and light. As she watched Harry shifted and his bright and youthful eyes began to close as he drifted of to sleep. Face calm and blank, he slept, his breathing even and deep.

Slowing down she entered the landing a floor above the ground, wheezing slightly she stopped. Her throat felt like it was on fire and her lungs felt compressed, as if she was being crushed. Air rushed into her lungs and the feeling receded slowly. She could feel her heart beat drumming in her ears sounding like thunder that was slowly approaching. Shuddering she stepped forwards.

The house was dark and foreboding as shadows leered at her. In the gloom light was scare and the shadow towered over her like a colossal palace, staring at her with its cold unfeeling eyes. Eyes that didn't glitter of shine but instead stayed dull and black like a copse after death. As if it had no soul at all. No feelings. No mercy, no fear, no hate, no anger, no joy, no pain and no sorrow. It hung there as a creature between life and death, shrinking back from the light as if poisoned. Not necessarily evil or good. Everyone has one, a part of themselves their ashamed of or perhaps a dark side. Apart that follows them wherever they go. Knows all of their secrets, as they hear them and a part who has lived the same life, experienced to same things yet turned out differently to them. Shadows are evidence of the fact that everyone has a bad side but also that they have picked good ( if they are good), that they have triumphed over the darkness in their soul and that even though they have that darkness they have chosen to follow another path. It shows their strength for all shadows can be vanquished if only one remembers to turn on a light.

Stepping , once again, forwards, Lily smothered her thoughts of the shadows as she concentrated on moving. Even as she walked the walls seemed to contract around her, the walls once warm brown now dark and sinister. Worried, she hugged Harry close to her determined to discourage the walls from devouring them and to quell her racing heart. The warmth of Harry's small and fragile body reminded her that she was not alone. She had and would always possess one of the most precious objects in the world. A child. A child who she loved with all of her beating heart and who she would save.

Voldemort wanted to kill him. It was a goal he had not achieved and never would. For she would always be there. Like an angel she would guide and protect her son with all her power. Whenever he was afraid she would be there. Whenever he was in peril she would be there. Whenever he needed her she would be there. Guiding, protecting and loving, no matter what. As his mother it was her duty and she would fulfil it to the day she died. She would overcome any obstacle, fight any monster, slay any dragon if only to protect him. The love she felt was so overpowering and so strong. It was like a tornado inside of her, a tsunami and it made her fill so privileged when she looked into his eyes. Because he was her son and she would never abandon him. Never.

But what if she did?

What if she , when faced with danger, fled and left him to die? What if her love died?

Like summer to winter it diminished until all that's left is deserted wood, destitute of life. The protectiveness blown away by wind and her angels halo no longer glowing as it lays in the snow. Forgotten and abandoned, left alone. Her sword forever in a stone and her tornado now a calm breeze. Both of them now missing the person who wields their unimaginable power. All because she abandoned the only thing (other than James) that was worth living and fighting for. The only thing that she wanted to protect. Her son. Her Harry. The only true blood family that still remained. One of the only things she now loved. Was it, in the end, enough? A darker and more painful thought added to the confusion. What if ? What if she ……died?

No.

No. No she would not die. She would live. For Harry needed her. Work in this world hadn't been completed yet. Never, would she leave Harry alone and fearful. Never would she abandon him. Her hope. Forever would she watch over him. Even when all light is gone she would still be there. Darkness would never stain him and blood would never drench his hands because her sweet little Harry would never be able to cast the killing curse. Just by looking at him she could see the light that surrounded and encased him. Even if the world turned evil and the sun was blotted out he would remain as pure and as good as ever. His now little heart would always be warm and full of life. How could she even think of leaving him? Depriving him of a life he deserved to live while she would hide and cower. No. Now, she would make her stand against evil. Now she would save her son.

Silence ruled the house like an icy fortress but Lily batted all fear away as she made her way upstairs. This was her house and nothing would make her afraid in her own home. How was it that only one man was capable of such fear? The cause of such terrible pain? She had to be strong for her son and not let such evil soil her house and soul. Everything in the hallway had been chosen by her and her husband. Why now did it look so dangerous and leering? Warm colours seemed malicious and cruel. Like knifes they seemed sharpened and dark. But it was just a trick of the light? Wasn't it? Angrily she shook her head, she shouldn't doubt and fear because if she did she might falter and she must never falter. Determinedly, she ignored the oppressive darkness that crashed upon her, she ignored the shadow that was cast like a spell on the wall, she ignored the silence that she could feel tingling her skin and she ignored the fact that Voldemort was most likely following her.

Undaunted, she continued her journey. As she reached her bedroom, the world seemed brighter, as if a ethereal light had somehow began to shine on the chaotic and blackened world that was her own. As if somehow from the ashes of death hope had began to shine anew and all the destruction was reversing itself. All because of the tiny thought- the tiny chance that she would be able to Portkey her and Harry out safely. However before she reached it she heard something that shattered her thoughts of hope and peace and sent her spiralling down into a pit of despair. A creak behind her.

It sounded so soft and so innocent but it was not. She was alone in the house. Except for one other. Voldemort. The creak had come from the bottom of the stairs and she knew that Voldemort had no reason to be quiet. What chance did she have against him ?

Wildly, she ran, her breath coming out in short gasps and her heart beating loudly in her chest. Tears prickled in her eyes as she realised that there was no chance to escape-no way out for her or Harry. Still, she reasoned she had to try. She couldn't give up now not when everything that mattered was at stake. Gasping she wrenched open the door to her room and stumbled inside, slamming it behind her with a satisfying sound that reverberated of the walls of the room. Hesitantly ,she placed Harry down and turned to face the Dark Lord as the door was blown open.

Standing there ,in robes of swirling darkness, the Dark Lord himself smirked. Crimson eyes flashed with malicious intent as his fingers curled around his wand. He raised it slowly, mockingly and a triumphant smile spread across his lips contrasting with his cold emotionless eyes. Pale skin glinted in the dimmed light as the he stepped forward and , unlike a shadow, he did not shy away. Instead he stood as tall and imposing as ever making the light seem frail and worthless. Powerless against him.

Like a predator he stalked forward and the temperature dropped. However, Lily stayed rooted to the spot her eyes furious pools of Emeralds.

'Step aside and I will spare your life' he hissed, confident she would move and leave her son.

'No' she hissed back. He's stupid to think I would willingly give him my son and let him kill him. His power is not and will never be that strong. No one can ever make me leave him. She thought determinedly. Feeling slightly smug at his miscalculation. However powerful Voldemort is he will never understand love.

' Foolish girl. I will spare you now stand aside.' He pat back. Eyes flashing as he realised she was not going to move. No one disobeyed him. No one. Certainly not a worthless mud blood!

'Never' Lily replied and even though she feared him her voice did not waver. She did not want his mercy! She would never give him Harry!

' So be it' Voldemort whispered. His voice now cold and leering as he spoke the dreaded words that would haunt Harry's dreams.

'Avada Kedvavra' His voice rang out through the silence and a jet of sickly green light sprang from his wand. In slow motion it sped towards its target. Like a bright light it converged on Lily. Darkness and light alike was pushed aside by the ferocity of the spell. When it impacted with Lily's body she opened her mouth in a silent screams and crumpled to the floor. Her body limp and lifeless.

As Lily felt her life ebbing away she struggled to hold on. 'No. Not yet. I..I need to save Harry.' Thoughts and emotions became jumbled as she felt herself fading. Is this the end ? Will I die here at his hands? Will I see my baby die to? Tears welled up in her eyes but she could not cry. The one time she wanted to she could not. Everything seemed far away and unreal. Like a dream. Time seemed to stop as Lily lay there un moving on the cold floor. No breath leaving her mouth. Oh where had everything gone so wrong? People say that you see your life flash before your eyes but all Lily saw was Harry and James smiling with her. She heard their laughter and saw their joy. There was so much she wanted to do with them and so much she wanted to say. Life seemed so unfair. And in that moment she realised that she didn't want to die. She wanted to live. Her , Harry and James all together. Happy. Where she felt safe and loved. Now she lay dying on the floor she wondered what would of happened if Voldemort had not existed. Would she still be here now? She wished with all of her unbeating heart that she could live. If only for Harry.

But it would not happen.

She knew that she would die here but she could only hope that the order would arrive in time to save Harry. Yes she told herself. He will live. She tried to picture what he would be like when he grew up. What his favourite colour would be. Whether he would be happy and safe. She hoped he would be.

However she was shocked when she was pulled out of her musings when Voldemort advanced on her child.

He stepped over her and she caught a look of intense disgust on his face. With his back partly to her, he advanced on her son but she knew he was smiling. ' No. Not Harry. NO' she tried to scream. Anything just to get that hideous monster away from her child. But she could not move and could not yell. She was powerless to stop him advancing on her precious son. Powerless to stop him raising his infamous wand and speaking those dreaded words, Panic and fear struck through her as she watched the light seed towards her son with deadly accuracy. She heard Voldemort's triumphant laugh as the light struck her son on the forehead.

But.

As expected he didn't crumple to the floor. Didn't scream in pain. Didn't die!

He had lived. Somehow he had survived the curse when so many others had died. He alone had stood in the way of the most powerful dark wizard alive. Lily didn't notice Voldemort's body dissipate. She did not hear him scream. Hell she did not even notice that he had been defeated. All she saw was her son. Sitting there un harmed. So perfect, so free and so completely alive. Nothing else mattered. Not even her slowly numbing fingers or her fading life force. As she realised that he was alive and that she had kept her promise. That , when it came right down to it had not abandoned him. The thought had not even crossed her mind.

And in the slither of time before she left this world , a butterfly flew away to keep its not-so-secret, that Harry ( her hope) was not dead after all.


End file.
